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I grieved for the will of my future self. I don’t know how else to say that sometimes you… Imagine going off roading on a sandy plane. You have what you need for your journey but the journey is just a journey. It’s dull. Dull and or boring can be fine and appropriate but naturally this will cause your “muscles” to atrophy. The complacency of peace brings about war. Drive must be driven and what you’re driven for may not require a lot of drive. If you find yourself in a season where slow and steady wins the race, don’t go so slow to the point where you forget you’re in a race to begin with. You must keep your eye on the prize.
The wilderness is not your final destination (I receive that for myself). I’ve been meditating on Pre-Birth Theory and I bring it up because at least for me as I traverse my dynamic wilderness I sometimes wonder where else I am going. One friend told me not to die in the wilderness and another encouraged me in my travels. All I know right now is that I am thinking about retirement. The truth is and this is part of my personal theology, you are where you want to be, now. The future is now so if I want to be retired in the future that means I need to occupy retirement now.
If I am currently a retired man in the traditional sense of the word, how does that man want to be treated? How does that man want to live? How did God decide what desires to put on my heart or if Pre-Birth Theory is real why did I decide to go along with the desires God put on my heart? It all sounds toxic to me. And I’m being slightly ignorant when I say this but we all understand that the journey from incarnation to carnation involves a wiping and remembering of intentions but with respect to the theory, nearly everything about my existence is not something I would have consciously chosen. I say that to say I give credence to the theory but I am skeptical and even more so to say that sometimes it can be difficult to stay focused on something ambiguous.
I know that I am going somewhere but I’m not fully sure where. But even so you must keep who you are at the forefront of your mind. You know enough about yourself. Respect what you know about yourself. It can be difficult to absorb but who you are as a human being matters. No one is more special than anyone else. You’re not better than your neighbor but remember your neighbor is not better than you. Just because you may have to suffer fools doesn’t mean you can forget who you are. No one takes your life, you lay it down. What I mean is you determine how you go through what you go through.
Don’t allow complacency to diminish your self-worth. Even if the road ahead is unclear, leverage what you do know. People only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. Sometimes we can forget how to allow ourselves to be treated because of less dignified circumstances. But if you are who you say you are then who you say you are should come with conviction. And that conviction should cause you to rise to the occasion of your circumstances whatever those may be. Stay ready so you never have to get ready and always keep at the forefront of your mind what it is you are prepared for. And if you don’t know or are currently unsure of what you’re prepared for, consider the fact that if nothing else just on the strength of you being you, you should always be prepared to rise to the occasion to be the fullness of yourself.
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