In whatever you do, confidence is key. Here are my 5 ways to make yourself more confident:
1. Rationalize
Stop being so hard on yourself. Life throws enough at each of us without us also throwing our own two cents into the mix. Rationalization is not escapism; it is a way for you to acknowledge your life through a different more positive lens.
All of us make mistakes. Whether intentional or unintentional we all must live with the consequences of our actions. Personally, I have come to the realization that in most cases for me, I am usually not the problem. At least not the primary contributor. Sometimes we beat ourselves up because of what someone else says or does.
When you rationalize you take the entire scope of what happened into perspective. There are three sides to every story: your side, the other side, and the truth. You can become more confident when you learn how to acknowledge the other side, and then place your side in proper perspective in relation to the objective truth.
The truth is you are not a bad person. The truth is, that other person or persons criticism of you isn’t the whole truth. Part of rationalizing is having a firm foundation from the perspective of decision making. Identify the role you play in a situation and why you did the thing that you did.
The actual truth will always deviate from the subjective truth, and no one in any given situation may know the entirety of the objective truth. When faced with this reality, of not knowing exactly what happened other than your side and what someone else may or may not have said about their side; the unhealthiest thing you can do is beat yourself up about something you do not know everything about.
Every now and again I do this with myself. Something from my past comes up; and I find myself relitigating the facts from the perspective of how I saw them; and or how they were presented to me.
The reality is I do not know the full story. So then, I have to acknowledge where I may have messed up, what is disturbing me about the situation, and what I can do about it today.
There are somethings that happen in our lives that we will never fully know the answer to the question “why?” about. To be more confident, you must be okay with not knowing why. Rationalization is making sense out of something that you do not know all the details about. It is inference. The key here is putting yourself in a position to infer the best possible relative truth about yourself.
Again, we all make mistakes, but you do not have to live in the shadow of your mistakes forever. Acknowledge your short coming(s) then move on. This is not a one and done process, but it is a process that will result in a healthier and more positive outlook on yourself. Do not let a person or situation have the final say on your life.
2. Affirmations
Affirmations are a powerful way for you to become more confident. Repetition is the mother of learning, what you believe you become, and faith comes through hearing. When you speak positively over your life, those positive words ingrain themselves into your psyche, resulting in you manifesting your reality.
The same is the case with negative words; Which is why you must be careful with how you speak to yourself; and [more importantly] how you let others speak to you/what you allow to be said about you in your presence.
Affirmations are something that I practice relatively regularly. I do not speak about them often because they are not a core part of my brand; or what I ultimately want to promote here at Life with Ken. I do, however, teach in depth on them in some of my content including my Life Coaching program.
Basically, all a good quality affirmation is, is an “I am” statement. As long as you start a sentence with an intentioned “I am” proclamation, then you have yourself an affirmation. Affirmations are primarily used within the context of manifestation.
Manifestation is the ability to tap into the vibrational frequency of what it is you want out of life. Again, I teach on this in my paid products, but here is a post that I wrote if you want to learn more.
If you are using affirmations effectively, then that means you are tapping into the you that you want to be. This helps with confidence because one of the reasons you are insecure, is because you are not, in some way, the person that you want to be.
I usually have a list of go-to and specific affirmations for myself. I am not going to give examples, because affirmations should be personal. Who I am and want to be is for me, as is the case for you.
I recommend doing them as frequently as you need to whether it be five times a day, or once a month. Know this though, that the more you do them the more of an impact they will have on your life.
3. Embrace Your Nudity
Being nude more often offers a whole host of health benefits. In relation to your confidence, being nude can make you more confident in that it is a practice of self-acceptance. Clothes are actually a representation of shame. The Bible says that Adam and Eve, the first recorded humans, hid/covered themselves [with clothes] because they felt shame. Light and darkness cannot dwell in the same place. You cannot be confident and shameful at the same time.
Obviously, most societies are clothe wearing societies. Use wisdom when interpreting this tip. What I am saying is you will feel better about yourself when you allow yourself to accept yourself. There is nothing wrong with who you are. And sometimes you need to be able to see that for yourself. Maybe you cannot create a lifestyle around wearing less clothes more often; but next time you jump out of the shower, or have an extra moment to yourself, do not be afraid to observe the beauty that is your natural uncovered body.
4. Spend Your Time Well
If you want to be more confident, become good at utilizing your time. Having good time management skills is a great confident builder because it shows that you have priorities. Having priorities means that you have something that you care about. And having something that you care about demonstrates confidence because of the importance you place on it.
For example, I manage my time in such a way that I make sure that I always have some time for myself in some capacity at least once a week if not once a day. Rest and down time are important to me. I value being able to take a break because I value myself; and I do not want to overexert myself for things that are not that important in the grand scheme of life.
The confidence is in the fact that I manage my time, and my time does not manage me. I do not want to be a slave to my calendar or alarm clock. And doing things that I do not want to do is something that I stopped a long time ago.
You can manage your time in this way even within the context of going to work every day. Compartmentalize your work time from the rest of your life.
Another contributing factor towards people having low levels of confidence is that they do not have healthy boundaries. Stop letting your personal life invade your work life, and vice versa. Stop letting your social life influence your professional life. And stop letting your career supersede your sanity.
Time is the most important thing we humans have. We spend the first 18 years of our lives not fully in control of our time. The next 20-40 years wasting time. And our last years running out of time. Stop taking part in that cycle!
The moment you have your autonomy, use it. You do not have to end up like everyone else from where you grew up. And you do not have to be a slave Monday through Friday from 9am-5pm. Tell your time what matters to you – it will listen.
5. Be Willing to Make Mistakes
Mistakes live write across the street from confidence. They’re neighbors. Might I suggest that if you are struggling with your confidence maybe it’s because you have not taken enough chances. A novice becomes a master by trial and error. You will never become more confident by sitting on the sidelines.
There are so many mistakes that I have made in my past. Your mistakes are what mold you into who you are. Think of yourself like a sculpture. You are the block of marble being sculpted, and life is the artist. As you go through life it will chip away at pieces of you. Consider those chippings as your mistakes. Every chip (mistake) that happens to you is informing who you are/are becoming. The material does not change, you are still you. But the presentation of that raw material does change.
Another way to put it is like this: if you mess up bad enough, then you are less likely to do it again. This is life. Your mistakes make you more confident by helping you become who you are. They are there to help you realize your potential.
I am not saying making mistakes does not suck, they do. But the fact that you are willing to make them says that you are willing to grow. You are willing to get better. And you are willing to become all that you were created to be.
Most people try to avoid mistakes. They do not want to feel uncomfortable. That is also the reason why most people can only criticize and are rarely on the other side of that criticism. Being willing to mess up makes you better than everyone else who is not. That does not take away from the impact of your mistake(s), you still must deal with the consequences. However, falling and getting back up will always be more virtuous than staying on the sidelines too afraid to jump in.
Ken
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