Since the beginning of time, sex has been a domineering force in human existence. Traceable all the way back to the garden of Eden. Our susceptibility to sensuality has been weaponized in such a way to cause us to perpetually stumble and fall. Using the Bible as a historical precursor we can see that no good has ever come from society [other people] knowing what goes on in the privacy of your bedrooms. In the Bible there is a woman who ‘was caught’ “in the act of committing adultery” (John 8:3). She was brought to the middle of a crowd where she was going to be stoned to death (Leviticus 20:10).
The character of Jesus who was on the scene at the time famously stepped in on her behalf; and said “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” (John 8:7). I am not adding an extra layer of justification on what took place on that day. Maybe that woman did deserve to be stoned. The grace of Jesus in this moment however, is that her sex life was none of their business.
As a black man, I am very familiar with the weaponization of my own sexuality. My people at the foundations of America were ostracized for being thought as less than human. We were also considered social pariahs for a perceived inclination towards being more “hyper sexual”.
The Sexually “Taboo”
Society was taught to fear the sexuality of black people (black men specifically) out of fear we would “rape their white women.” Firstly this is a stereotype and unfair the black community. Secondly, as is the case with Jesus and that woman, who black people have consensual sex with is not society’s business. Black men get their sexuality ridiculed two fold. Not only are we sexual but we are black too which is a double taboo outside of a porn category. Black people struggle being sexual because not only are people nosy, black people also have to deal with racism in their sex life.
The same is true for the plight of homosexuals. Consider the ancient Roman Empire for example. One of the distinctly obvious but far less scrutinized aspects of their civilization was the men’s proclivity for other men. During that time it was normal for patriarchs to take and lay with other men.
I will not go as far as to say it was encouraged, but it was socially accepted. It was seen as one’s own business and welcome within that society. It’s not until early America that we see a society that is plainly oppressive to their queer community. Not to say this is where that started (more on that later) but rather as a more obvious precursor.
Understanding Sex in America
During World War 1 we saw a society in America that took a notable interest in the LGBTQ community-and not necessarily for good reason. As is America’s history and appetite for subjugation; Society sought a new people to tread on. Probably as a subconscious response to Abraham Lincoln’s freeing of the slaves in 1863. Here we find a similar issue of Straight [heterosexual] men in particular but not exclusively, bringing queer people to the emblematic town square (middle of the crowd) and declaring that they too should be “stoned to death”.
Homosexuals were considered to have a mental disorder. They were not welcome in the United States Army, and were looked upon with disdain. Once again I am not implying proper or improper treatment of a persons or people group. What I am saying is like with that woman, a person’s sexual orientation should not have been society’s business.
From this catalyst we see something taking place that should have never been an issue in the first place. The societal hatred of LGBTQ people at the early onset of America led to various movements being birthed. People who were attracted to the same sex began litigating an issue that should have never been in the court of public opinion. All of a sudden we have a society of people casting stones while reveling in their own sin. And people being put to death for something that if they could change it they would.
Keeping Sex Private
This unhealthy interest in what goes on in someone else’s bed should be relegated to one’s own personal search history. I empathize with the fact that people are sexual beings and sometimes just need a release. However, I also believe society should take Ancient Rome’s perspective and let them that wish to, do so without reproach.
Yes its 2021 and LGBTQ rights have come a long way since the early 1900s. The point of the matter is this: it should not have been an issue in the first place. Individuals should have never been burdened with the sexual repression of an entire society. And because they were, now we see a society that is worse off sexually, than if they had not been. The fall out of a sexually repressed people has led to a society that has — knows no boundaries.
Today’s Billboard top 100 includes a song with a music video of a man f****** the Devil himself. And a [married] stripper rapping about getting a train ran on her. I know, that seems pretty abhorrent when written in black and white print. I am not here to throw stones; but I do want to pose this question: would the two songs in question be at the top of the world’s playlist if people were not—did not feel sexually repressed?
Like Jesus said to the Pharisees and Sadducees in front of that woman all those years ago, I am reiterating to society today: another person’s sex life is none of your business. The fact of the matter is, whether or not Cardi B does or does not get a train ran on her; it has nothing to do with how someone else survives on this floating rock called Earth. If a black man has sex with a white woman, those are two consenting adults minding their business. Why don’t you do the same.
If two men go at it in the heat of their lust, who are you to reprimand them while you still have the stain of sin permeating throughout your own life? Notice how the Pharisees and Sadducees only brought the woman to be stoned. The law clearly stated that both the man and the woman who were caught in the act of adultery were to be stoned. Society can not continue to have its cake and eat it too on this matter. ALL have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23).
Again, I am not here to dispute whether or not the actions of an adulterer, a gay [or lesbian] person, or a ‘hyper-sexual individual’ are right (I have conflicting views on that myself), however what I am saying is, there is grace for those who engage in such activities, and it starts where the curiosity of those who are not involved ends.
By the time Jesus finished convicting the hearts and minds of those people who sought to prosecute that woman; the Bible says that all of her accusers left (John 8:9). Someone else’s freedom begins with you getting out of their business.
If every evil thought you ever had was put on display in front of all of your loved ones you would wish that they would just get up and leave too. The privy of privacy is that its private. That is how all of this started anyway.
After Adam and Eve ate the fruit in the garden they realized that they were naked. That did not exist before even though it was still true but devoid perspective; And felt they shame. They felt so much shame that they hid from the being that created them naked in the first place. One of the implications of their behavior is that they desired a degree of privacy that was lost when their “eyes were opened” (Genesis 3:7). When God approached them He said: “who told you, that you were naked?” Implying, who violated your privacy?
Where it started
I believe that God wants to give people their privacy back; and that starts with all of us learning how to mind our own business again. Sex is something that society tends to coalesce around. It’s something that everyone has in common — heck, even Jesus got horny. And its that commonality that also makes it dangerous. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Not everyone needs to know what you like, when you like it and how.
Society is rotting from the inside out partially because everyone is sexual but few still know how to be sensual. You can turn me on without describing all the different ways that you want to fornicate with me. It is okay to leave some things to the imagination — and let them stay there. Sex is a gift, stop making it a commodity. Who knows, maybe you will improve your own sex life when you stop getting off from someone else’s. Start exploring your own kink. And the good thing is, no one has to know.