Life with Ken

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Self-esteem is self-respect. What is the value in self-respect and why improve self-esteem? Well, if you do not respect you, how can you expect others to respect you? having respect means having a deep adoration and holding someone or something in high regard. When people talk about having a low self-esteem, they are essentially saying that they do not hold themselves in high regard.

The question for that person then becomes: “who told you that you are less than?”. The biggest lie that you were ever told was that you are purposeless. At some point in your life you may come across that person or persons who’s only mission in life is to sow a bad seed in you.

This person will tell you that you cannot accomplish something. Or they will undermine your talents. They might even plot against you. Depending on when you come across these bad actors in your life their influence can have a profoundly negative impact.

As these bad seeds take root in your mind, you begin to perpetuate those lies you were told. Then all of a sudden, your confirmation bias kicks in and now your environment begins to reverberate those negative sentiments. This is where depression can start to settle in. Now, not only do you have an unfavorable thought about yourself floating in your head, but also, everything around you is saying that renegade thought is true.

I have been through this cycle several times, and it is debilitating. Who wants to push forward when they feel as though they are constantly fighting against themselves?… Self-esteem is the solution to this predicament. The only thing holding you back from the life you want to live is your belief in whether or not you are worthy of living it.

How do we make sure that renegade thoughts do not ruin our lives? And how do we hold ourselves in high regard so that we can be who we are no matter where we are?

Here are 3 ways to improve your self-esteem:

1. Confidence

Having confidence in yourself means being loyal to yourself. “Con-fidence” meaning “with fidelity,” or being in alignment with your convictions.  Confidence comes from living a life that reflects who you believe you are. This is an important part of a high self-esteem. When you are confident in who you are and what you do, you will put value on yourself which will cause you to have respect for yourself.

It takes individuality to be confident. Confidence is a muscle: you must use it for it to get stronger. Society teaches you to be clones and cogs in a machine. That actually strips you of your individuality. It forces you to live a life counter to who you are. This ultimately has a negative impact on your confidence.

The best thing I ever did for my confidence is become a content creator. I lived my life for a long time under the oppression of being someone I was not. That life looks like having a low morale. Being timid in social situations, being a follower as opposed to a leader, and feeling underachieved.

There were many nights when I would talk to God and as, “is this really all that life has to offer?” I was asking those questions because I was living a life that did not reflect who I was. I thought being politically correct, working my way up the corporate ladder, and collecting business cards was what my life was going to be. And while it was not all bad it was also unfulfilling.

When I started blogging, my confidence skyrocketed because I felt as though I was finally doing something that I was meant to do.  Does your life satisfy your spirit self? We are all spiritual beings having a physical experience. Does your life echo what is in your spirit?

When it does you put yourself in alignment with your purpose. And when you are doing what you were created to do, you strengthen your confidence because you are tapping into your reservoir of individualism. It is impossible to be confident in who you are when you are trying to be like everybody else.  Chameleons change their colors to hide themselves, not to be themselves.

2. Self-improvement

The second way to improve your self-esteem is to improve yourself. What steps are you taking daily to become a better person? This is key with self-esteem because growing people are learning people; and part of having a high self-esteem is continually growing and getting better.

The more you do something, the better you get at it, and the higher you hold yourself in regard because you have grown in that area. This is the most challenging part of improving your self-esteem because it requires consistent action.

People will allow themselves to burnout before they see the results of the work they put into something. This kills self-esteem because you are literally perpetuating a notion of failure in your life. How can you hold someone in high regard who never commits to anything?

Self-improvement is about moving forward in your life; whatever that looks like. We often expect or look for big opportunities to arrive before we decide to act. The truth is, however, that those big opportunities are not common, and if you are not in a position to capitalize on them you will miss out.

Getting better is a daily activity not a one-off opportunity. Read for 30 minutes a day or spark a conversation with someone different than you. Getting a coach/mentor to challenge you and help you reach your goals or engaging with your creativity and trying something new.

3. Connect with the Right People

This tip is essential. Having the right people in your life is so important for your self-esteem because just like there are those with malicious intent towards you, there are those out there who want to see you grow and prosper and be all that you were made to be.

These people speak life into you and want to see you succeed. It is so valuable to get around people who have a capacity for you. I know what it is like to feel unsupported; it feels as though you are walking up a steep hill and there are people at the top chucking boulders down at you.

You need people who will be by your side and not just along for the ride. When you are in this type of space and community, everyone flourishes because everyone is adding value to one another.

We have all heard the saying: “show me your friends and I will show you your future”. Get around people who are excelling at what you want to be doing. Find people who live out their passion and go on a journey with them. A sure-fire way to develop your self-esteem is to be around people who have high self-esteem, and help others who want to.

Self-esteem is about having self-respect, which is about holding yourself in high regard. People pursue it because it allows them to be themselves regardless of where they are in life. Having a high self-esteem is about having a fidelity with yourself, improving your skills, and connecting with the right people.

When these things are done in tandem you begin to build up your resolve. Your resolve is what enables you to stand up in the face of adversity. Our self-esteem gets impacted when we allow ourselves to believe things about ourselves that are not true.

You cannot believe in something you do not believe in. This is called cognitive dissonance, when two conflicting thoughts take up residence in our minds. As this relates to improved self-esteem, your voice as an individual has to be louder than the voice of others. That is how you improve your self-esteem; by being less of what others think you are, and more of who you know you are.

Originally Published August 18, 2020

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